Slow down

I used to take pride in my energetic approach to life. At one point I was working 80 hours a week, raising three little kids, working out at the gym, training for a marathon, and trying to hold up in my marriage, friendships, etc. … Oh and, wash a load of clothes here and there.  One day, I was asked by a dear friend, “Why are you doing so much?”

I did not have an answer. This question rattled in my mind and other questions joined in like, “Why did that pace feel not just necessary but also comfortable?”; and “What would happen if I slowed down?” Slowing down for me was a long process. I was used to going 100 miles-per-hour, then stop the car to let the engine cool down. The brakes wore out over time. So did I.

To go the proverbial “speed limit” felt uncomfortable and awkward at first. Then things got easier. I remember the day I was literally going the speed limit to drop off a child at an afterschool program. Something that would have involved me being late to pick them up, hurrying to get there, and tense for everyone. This day, I was able to talk to my son, laugh, and yield to the yellow light because we had time to get there. I had learned to slow down and like it.

Here are a few things I think I have learned about going too fast.

-       I don’t have to think too hard about my motives when I am in motion.

-       I don’t have to consider other options like calling someone else.

-       I allow the momentum of reactivity and self-righteousness to justify my actions.

Slowing down is sometimes also called a “pause.” Recently I read a meditation that described urgency as an illusion and when we feel like we will die if we don’t take action, then that is the exact time to not take action. The doorway to our next step of growth is always behind the urgency of now.” Nepo, Mark, The Book of Awakening, pp. 66-67.

Breathe in, Breathe out. Let that settle in a bit. Because the rush to take action can feel so justified and right. The feeling from action can be satisfying and gratifying. To say “No” to action is to have to sit with the discomfort of holding back the urge.

Over time, I have learned when I need to pause. I have learned to enjoy the observations I get to make when I pause – of me and the situation. Pausing ignites my curiosity. Pausing feels like serenity. Like when you wake up at 5:00 AM and sit outside. The stillness is amazing. Today, I experience resolution without confrontation when I slow down and pause. I allow others to step towards me without feeling threatened. Time allows me to consider a new action. Or indeed, no action at all. If you feel like you are doing too much, maybe it is time to consider slowing down to pause. If you are looking for someone to help you, I can be reached by email at NeelyCLyons@gmail.com.