Our Stories
Stories are a uniquely human experience. Stories connect us to our past and help us visualize our future. Stories build connection to others who share our stories. That’s why understanding the power of stories in families and recovery cannot be understated.
Storytelling happens in every family. There is the “funny road trip” story or “crazy relative” story or “time when we (fill in the blank)”. And there are other family stories about who we “are” – how we fit into the world and how the world perceives our family. These family stories set the stage for how we perceive our struggles and the context for how we initiate changes. For example, it can be difficult to initiate change if the story is that your family must maintain a certain image. The invitation to make changes in a family system starts with uncovering these stories in a loving, compassionate way. One method is to use a genogram which is defined as an outline of the history of behavior patterns of a family over several generations.
Being curious about your family’s stories is part of this process. If there is a major event that is largely unexplained and never discussed, why? Is there a pattern that you find from one generation to the next? Or even the possibility that events which are seemingly disconnected events are related – perhaps it was a change in jobs or move? What are the words that are used to describe the event or individuals involved? Are they generous, kind, informed even? Or are they negative? Sometimes we get stuck in stories and find it hard to move forward.
The goal in recovery is to move from stereotypes to archetypes. You start by outlining the choices of individuals or the family system in context. Then move to connect those choices into a story that builds compassion and understanding. Re-telling the story allows the individual or family system to hold both truths. 1. This person made mistakes. This situation created hardships in our family. This person harmed others. AND 2. This person had a hard life of tough choices. This person did their best under the circumstances and what they knew. This person was trying to survive.
On the other side of the discovery process is the opportunity to let go of the stories that no longer serve you. We can love a person and not approve of their behavior. We can set boundaries around what is acceptable to us. We can seek healing for the harms done because we are resilient. We can resolve to be connected to a new story – one of hope.
